Abbott (in the form of Zizek)

Tony Abbott is sitting in a chartered air force jet being flown to a function in Brisbane. One of his senior advisers is sitting next to him with a copy of his latest polling.

“Prime Minister, your net satisfaction rating is still around negative 25.”

Abbott smiles, content that he has banned investment in renewable energy, because coal is good for humanity, apparently.

“Do not worry, I will cook up another national security scare about the ABC for next week!”

The adviser looks worried.

“Prime Minister, I am afraid that won’t work any more. The voters know you are a liar.”

Abbott thinks for a moment and then an idea dawns on him.

“Howard always used to buy voters off when he needed a poll boost. I will fly my jet over Sydney and throw a million dollars out the window!” he announces excitedly.

“A million dollars doesn’t get you far in Sydney, just ask Joe Hockey.” replies the adviser.

“Fine, I will throw fifty million dollars out of my plane!” replies Abbott energetically.

“But that would only make Sydney siders happy at best.” counters the adviser.

“Very well, I will fly over every capital city and throw a hundred million dollars out of the plane!” tries Abbott.

“Sir, that would only please the people in the capitals, but you would still continue to ignore the regions.”

Abbott lets out a frustrated cry, and glowers at the adviser.

“Well how am I supposed to make EVERYBODY happy?” he demands.

The adviser has an idea and brightens up.

“You could throw yourself out of the plane.”

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