I’ve been trying for months now to find the words to describe this latest fashion craze doing the rounds amongst the Supré-obsessed Bieber-crowd. Or is it One Direction now? I can’t tell anymore, the saccharine hacks seem to come one after the other so rapidly these days.
So I’ve wanted to describe it, and nothing has really been adequate until my friend Troll launched a blistering attack on the currently vogueing expression: duck face.
You know, duck face really does irritate the living daylights out of me, but at least these people look ridiculous and we can all mimic it and celebrate as we sit desperately lonely on our balcony in Gosford (success!).
But there’s this rank, tacky, ugly new fashion: black tights with heaps of holes cut into them.
Do you know what I mean? Is this an exclusively Central Coast phenomenon?
Just in case you aren’t aware of what it looks like, here is a picture:
Unfortunately, this is not what they look like when they are deployed in public. Mainly because they are not on supermodels, with excellent pumps, and with demonstrable restraint around the crotch and gluteal region.
No, these are just hacked right up, ugly as buggery, worn as an alternative to tracksuit pants. They look appalling. They look like kids have sat down with a pair of scissors and gone to town like it was an episode of play school. And then put them on.
It’s like Regina George’s ripped-singlet-over-shirt look from Mean Girls. But it DOESN’T WORK.
And the most depressing aspect is that all these kids wear the same thing.
Is it so transgressive now to be original? And not original in the hideous, poorly-coloured sense General Pants Co has adopted, but in the alternative, op-shoppy, individual sense?
I always thought being unique was so cool – I hope that this hasn’t gone out of fashion.